Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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