I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
