Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
