I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
