One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
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Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
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Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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