my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
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I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
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After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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