then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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