Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So many bounce houses so little time
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Randomize
