i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
