it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
