just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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