Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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