Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
