turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
