I'm passing your future prison.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
