he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
