sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
