Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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