Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
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I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
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going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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