all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
