respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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