the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
