yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
