Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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