Fine. I'll sleep in my office
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
