wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Houston, we have a squirter
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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