I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
