i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
