She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
