Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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