It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
