last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
