38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
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How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
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OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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