Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
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The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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