We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
