The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
