wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
