I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize