I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize