he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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