Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
