So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
