I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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