i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We have started to decorate penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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