It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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