It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just cropdusted the office
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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