Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
