She is in my trunk
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
