he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
