i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
