Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
