he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
