I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
