Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
