Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
