dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
