she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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