Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
