When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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