Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
